An interesting morning

I work at a heatlhcare software company, and they have a cretain interest in keeping their employees healthy. It's a non-smoking campus, for example. Well, the past few weeks they've offered free health risk assessments done by the insurance companies we can have, and this morning I had mine.

I did great. BP 101/70, weight 151 lb with clothes. A solidly normal fasting blood sugar (88 mg/dl; normal is anywhere from 70-100).

And then there's my cholesterol. I wish I knew what it had been before this project. This morning it was low. Very. Total was 145 (normal according to them is below 200). Bad cholesterol... they couldn't even get a reading on it. They actually want me to come in and get blood drawn in a few weeks to get a better reading in general. Triglycerides are supposed to be below 150, and mine were 45, maybe less. Good cholesterol was low too, but she said that goes up with exercise, and before I did this project I didn't exercise. Ever. So I imagine that'll normalize soon enough. We'll see. When I get more numbers I'll let you know.

Oh and my body fat. I REALLY wish I'd known what it was before starting. It's just under 26% now, and their "fitness" level is 22-24% with "acceptable" being anything from 25-32%. I'm impressed with myself, but just being acceptable is not good enough. I can get to "fit." It's really not that far away. I can't wait to see what the second half of this project holds for us.

Go Team Running Rats!!!

Just thoughts on food

I am so sick of bananas.

...Yeah, that's pretty much it. New pictures should be going up tonight (finally!).

Long time, no posts....

So I sort of disappeared for a while. And I sort of fell off the wagon. Not entirely, more like slipping and being dragged behind while trying to climb back on. The image works better with a horse and a saddle.

I skipped workouts. Including the jumping. I've been eating out, though I have tried to keep it PCP compliant--lots of salads. But apparently all restaurants dump salt on their grilled chicken, which is gross. But I need the protein, so I eat it anyway and then marvel at how bloated my feet are the next day. (Seriously. I was trying to buy shoes and things didn't fit the way they should.)

I even went so far as to eat a couple french fries. And marvel of marvels, I didn't like it that much. I looked at the pile of them that came with my half sandwich and salad, and I knew that I could eat every single one. And I just didn't want to. I had more than the one I said I'd try, just "to see" how it tasted after all this time. And after 3 or 4 they started tasting "normal" again. But they definitely don't have the power over me that they used to.

I'm also slowly climbing back onto the wagon, though I'm now a few days behind. I couldn't stand the thought of just straight up missing those workouts (did that last week, and I regret it), so I started with day 37 or 38 or whatever the start of the week is, and I'm just doing them late. Pistol squats hurt. I suck at everything involving the chest, except standing ovations. I can't do real pullups. But I'm trying, and if I keep a death grip on the wagon/saddle and don't fall off again, I think I'll be ok in the end. (Really, I think I'll be ok no matter what, since my tastes have clearly changed and I'm lighter than I've been since high school, but I'm not done improving yet.)

Back Home

This was a great, if challenging, weekend.

Being home and seeing my fiance for the first time in months was fantastic. The bridal shower was awesome, and we got a lot of gifts that I wasn't really expecting to get (like the Kitchenaid mixer). :)

In PCP terms, it could have gone better. I meant to bring my scale, but left it at home because I was rushing to not miss my plane. So I was guessing on everything all weekend.

I also forgot my dinner Friday night, so I had to try and find something to eat in an airport that was PCP friendly-not an easy task. I settled on a salad from Wendy's, and wow have my taste buds changed. The dressing was disgusting--full of sugar and other nasty stuff. Even the chicken was awful. It was grilled, so I thought it might be ok, and I knew I needed to get some protein somewhere, but it was covered in salt and barely edible. I actually almost gagged when I saw a woman sitting across from me putting salt on her french fries. A month ago that would have been me putting salt on her fries.

Dealing with my parents was marginally easier than I anticipated. After they gave me lots of compliments on how much weight I'd lost so far (about 10 lbs), they didn't really push "bad" food on me like normal. I had explained the PCP as best I could without showing them the website, and told them the basic rules of the diet. Even so, I had to opt out of my stepdad's steaks because he'd already covered them with salt, and my mother insisted on me having "just one bite." I did, and it was delicious, but I didn't want more. I was really happy with the lemon herb shrimp they'd made just for me. *shrug* She is definitely something of a saboteur of diets disguised as a model hostess.

But more than anything else, I was impressed with the way I avoided falling into old habits. There is always a candy bowl sitting on the kitchen counter, and in the past, I would typically snack on it throughout the day. Other than a slight pull towards it out of habit, I didn't even look. I didn't snack at night the way I used to. I didn't want to grab a soda, even after two nights of 5 hours of sleep in a row. I didn't eat because I was bored. PCP has changed things for me in ways I hadn't anticipated, and it's AWESOME.

Go Team Running Rats!!!

The battle continues

Patrick, can we cut the eggs again? Permanently? Starting now?

Most of the week I felt ok, really. Last Thursday was miserable after breakfast, then I was more or less fine up until yesterday. After breakfast yesterday I felt terrible. Completely nauseated. This morning was also fairly bad, though not as bad as yesterday. But the reason I'm posting is because of dinner. Apple, banana, egg white. I ate it three hours ago and I still feel too sick to work out. I can't stand the thought of eating my evening snack.

Granted, I don't usually eat bananas. That was more banana in one sitting than I've had in months. So technically that could be the cause. But I'm putting my money on the eggs.

Tired

I'm feeling better, now. But the past few days have been slowly leading up to what happened this morning: complete meltdown.

I can blame hormones all I want, and they probably did play some role (yay PMS... /sarcasm), but the real problem is that I'm not sleeping enough. I haven't gotten to bed before midnight for a week, at least, and I get up by 6:30 most days. Sure, I sleep in on weekends, but even then I know I wasn't actually getting the 8+ hours my body needed to "catch up."

Yesterday I don't even remember my alarm going off. I finally woke up when my stepdad called me at 7 AM demanding money and guilting me about not mailing a Mother's Day card on time. Today, I woke up at 7 on my own. I didn't want to, and I didn't have any sort of motivation. Not to get dressed, not to eat, not to go to work. I did get dressed, but then I just sort of stopped. Turned on the weather channel to see what it was going to be like (cloudy, cold. I hate this weather). And then I started crying. And I couldn't stop. Eventually it was time to go to work and I hadn't eaten or anything yet. I got a hold of one of the people I carpool with, and when she heard me crying she insisted on coming over and helping me.

She and the other guy we go to work with came over, and I walked them through my breakfast menu, and my lunch menu. They cooked for me, I slowly packed my lunch. I ate, and they helped clean up my kitchen. It still isn't clean, really. There are still plenty of dirty tupperware containers around. But it's better than it was.

It was humiliating, and humbling, and exactly what I needed. I hate, with a horribly cliched passion, getting help like this. I hate letting people see me cry. And I can't stand to let people see my house/apartment in the state it's in. I could psychoanalyze myself here, but I'll try to refrain. Suffice it to say that I don't know how to let myself be taken care of. I normally resist it at all costs. And this morning I had the sense to let my friends take care of me.

I'm calling it a step forward. I'm still overwhelmed, and I'm still on the edge, emotionally. I've got a lot on my plate right now, more than one person can handle on their own. I know that, and I'm trying to learn to lean on others more.

In much happier news, I had my indulgence last night: pizza! I'd been craving it for a week, and let myself give in to it this week at the Mage group. I had planned to, so I guess it wasn't "giving in" in the normal sense. I had already proven to myself that I could resist if I wanted to, so I didn't mind using this social context to have my indulgence. And the pizza was every bit as good as it looked and smelled. Maybe a little saltier than it would have tasted pre-PCP. I did overdo it a little, having 3 pieces instead of 2 (which I rationalized by saying they were pretty thin. True, but an excuse nonetheless). And I paid for it with a mildly upset stomach. I definitely still like my veggies, and am looking forward to having my PCP lunch today, but that pizza was fanastic. I think the craving has been satisfied for a while now. Looking forward to indulgence 2, whenever we get it, which I'm using for my wedding (yay key lime pie!!).

Busy

Had my indulgence last night. Have new pictures to put up. Been too busy to do anything for PCP but eat and workout. Bigger update later.

Egg and Shopping

I've felt ok after eggs for two days in a row--all weekend in other words. I'm feeling a little off this morning. Not bad, not like it has been before, just sort of....there. Like I'm suddenly more aware that I have a stomach.

Workout yesterday was very very slow. Much slower than it should have been. I spent a lot of extra time resting between sets and exercises; time that I shouldn't have rested. It was entirely a mental thing, since I knew going into the workout that I didn't want to do it. But I did it anyway. *shrug* At least it got done, even if I didn't get the full effects because of the extra resting.

Floor jumps are killer, still can't do real pushups (though I do try every time they're on the list) so I'm doing them on my knees, and can't breath during v-sits. Those things are brutal.

Everything else is pretty ok. Went shopping yesterday for a dress to wear to my bridal shower, and had a surprisingly great time trying on clothes. Things fit. I actually had to veto things that were too big in the chest. I've never, ever had to do that. Now, I know a lot of girls that do PCP lament the disappearance of their breasts as they lose body fat (and really, what are breasts but fat and a couple glands?), but for me, it's one of the perks. I'm not massive, I know that. I've seen plenty of women bigger than me. But I've been a D cup since I was 12, and it's not been fun. So I'm getting excited that my bras are fitting a little looser than they used to. Of course, losing some of the abdominal fat would be nice too. :)

Indulgences and Parents

I'm beginning to get myself mentally prepared for my trip home coming up next weekend. My parents are one of the main reasons I didn't start the PCP earlier. It's not that they won't be supportive. They're almost certainly going to say all the right things. BUT since my stepdad has no interest in eating healthy, this trip is definitely going to be a test of my self control and my dedication to the program. So I figure that the earlier I start getting my mind ready for the challenge, the better off I'll be.

I'm also sort of torn in regards to the indulgence. On the one hand, it could make one meal with my parents a lot easier. On the other hand, letting their habits affect my food choices does nothing to change my relationship with food when I'm around them. I'm also thinking about using it for whatever food we have at the bridal shower on Saturday, but again, it doesn't help me navigate social situations where I have to eat in the future. Besides, there's a part of me that's had a craving for either pizza or french fries or something like that for a really long time now. So I may decide on a food I want for my indulgence and have it before I leave, then just tough it out with my parents. Or not.

I'll let you know what I decide.

Quick diet update

The eggs are back in the diet this week.

The first "real" week, I didn't get sick every morning, but probably 3-4 out of the 7. I did however feel very tired and sluggish after breakfast most days. Last week was egg free, and I didn't feel sick at all, and was starting to feel some real energy--until I stopped being able to get enough sleep, which derailed the whole energy bit. Eggs are back now, and though I'll admit I skipped the egg yesterday in favor of the 30g of protein I'd been doing last week (really horrible morning, overslept by an hour and didn't have time to cook, just measure and leave) I made myself an egg this morning. Right on schedule, about half an hour after breakfast I'm feeling super queasy. I'm willing to chalk up the overwhelming tiredness to my body being run down by the week and lack of proper sleep, but I can't see another explanation for the nausea. Everything else I ate this morning and last night I've been eating for a couple weeks now without incident.

In other news, barely two days after Patrick's e-mail about people getting sick on the PCP I'm feeling off. Lots of sneezing and blowing of the nose. I do believe I've caught a little cold. Nothing serious, but definitely annoying, AND it just makes me want to crawl into bed that little bit more.

I'm so glad it's Friday.

Some observations

I just did 250 jumps in a row, without tripping. It felt AWESOME. And then I realized that it only took me 20 minutes to do all 1000 jumps. Which felt even more awesome. It used to take me almost that long to do 300. And when I was done, I wasn't even breathing that hard--something new. I'm going to chalk all of this up to jumping outside tonight, where it was fairly cool. I still worked up a sweat, but not nearly as much of one.

Also, Greek yogurt sucks. I'm very glad I bought the small cups instead of a big tub, this way I won't have to toss it. Never really liked yogurt in general, but after hearing good things about the Greek stuff I thought I'd try. Sticking to milk from now on, I believe.

Mad skillz

This week is kicking my ass. Not the PCP week, the real world week. Is it Friday yet?

So a little background: I play pencil and paper rpgs. Dungeons and Dragons, Gurps, White Wolf, etc. A new group started up last night, so I was out most of the evening. For anyone that doesn't know, these groups are frequently centered around some sort of take out food, typically pizza. At least in my experience. Last night was no exception.

I'd had time to eat dinner beforehand, but I was still hungry, and wasn't expecting to be there too late so I didn't bring my evening snack with me (mistake I won't repeat). They ordered a pizza. And sat it on the table right in front of me. It smelled incredible. It looked incredible. I really really really wanted a piece. But I resisted. Even when everyone else was done and there were two pieces left, I resisted.

I still want that pizza. It's the strongest craving I've had so far in the PCP. A week ago I had a craving for french fries too after smelling them at the bowling alley. And I still want those too.

I like the food we're eating, but I still sometimes miss my junk food.

Nothing New

Not much to report.

Eating well, feeling well. Exercising...as best I can. The pushups.... damn those pushups. I absolutely can't do the "real" ones yet, and I can't really finish the sets we've got of the knee ones. I do what I can, I rest a little, and do a few more. I do try to push myself, really. But I don't feel any stronger in my chest than I did before this whole thing started.

Everything else is more or less keeping up with the exercises though. Ok, not the davincis. But I do them. As best I can, even though I'm lucky to get my arms up past my waist in the last couple reps. Oh the burn. :)